Position Vacant: Iraqi Terrorist Leader

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Are you committed to Holy War and terror?

Do you have delusions of grandeur?

Can you behead people while wearing this seasons's most fashionable Foot Clan-style balaclavas?

Not talented enough for Iraqi Idol but still want press coverage?


Do you have male-model good looks?

If so, you might be exactly who we're looking for!

Following the untimely death of leader and martyr Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, blessings be upon him, there is now a vacant spot in al-Qaeda's upper echelons!

Successful candidate must:

- Swear to bring righteous vengeance upon The Great Satan and its allies

- Have personal experience of suicide bombs

- Be OK with being constantly and erroneously referred to as 'Bin Laden's second in command'

- Know the secret handshake.

- Be willing to prepare lunch for the whole gang every second Tuesday.

Pick up the phone and call today! This is a job to die for!

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Sophie Delizio Already Planning Next Stunt

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Pre-teen daredevil Sophie Delizio is already planning her next stunt. From her hospital bed today the plucky youngster said her next life-or-death battle will involve “lions, tigers and maybe bears. Oh my”.

Although still recovering from a car accident earlier in the year and being in a medically induced coma for days, little Sophie has not given up her drive. Nurses at her Sydney Hospital say the Aussie battler has been designing new ideas for stunts with crayons and paper towels.

“Her fighting spirit is just unbelievable” Sister Sandra Dwyer said.

Delizio first came into the daredevil spotlight in December 2003 when a car accident saw her suffer third degree burns to 90% of her little body. She recovered like a true champion only to be struck down by another car at a level crossing while riding in a pram in May this year.

Following in the hallowed footsteps of Evel Knievel, Delizio’s amazing injuries and subsequent recoveries have found her become an unwitting icon of the underground daredevil movement.

“She’s just an inspiration to all of us in the hurt-yourself-and-like-it business” said Tony Dennett, founder of the Live to Die And Come Back to Life Foundation, a combined charity and daredevil stunt funding body. “I just can’t wait until she’s back on her feet again so she throw herself in front of another car”.

Delizio has stated, however, that her days of working stunts involving cars was well and truly over.

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