Where are the jokes?

Where's all the jokes?


Maybe one day.

Dumping Emma: A story of male cowardice. Part Four.

"

'You check your phone every 30 seconds, looking for a message that isn't there and isn't coming. How right that it's a cold and wet night. You walk past a parked car, headlines still on, with a woman inside speaking on her phone. The person on the other end has made her angry, and she moves her free hand around frantically. But it's just people you don't know, so you walk by. You have your own problems now, and they can only be dealt with alone.

...And you notice that when you say "I love you, ok?" it's more of a reassurance for yourself than something you think she wants to hear. You especially notice that when you say it, she doesn't say it back.

And writing a message half an hour after she's gone doesn't only look desperate, you can feel how pathetic it is coursing through your veins. So can she, when she reads it, no doubt. When she doesn't respond you realise it's less about her phone credit than about her just not feeling like talking to you right now.

You always think everything can be solved with a smile, a kiss, a hug, a joke that isn't funny. Maybe this time you'll have to dig a little deeper. '


So, Emma dumped me. Yeah, how ironic, I hear all you readers typing. Well, it's not so funny when you're on the other end. Apparently being in a relationship with yours truly is like banging your head against a brick wall. Again and again. And again. And again, until the blood gushes out onto the ground and you lose your critical functions and

I suppose you think this is my just deserts, since

As soon as she left I decided to go for a drive, to clear my mind, which was by now swimming with all kinds of thoughts, as you can imagine. What kind of thoughts? I don't know exactly, the swimming was like a murky pool of... Anyway, I kept swinging between a few different emotions. First, sadness. Then, anger. Then, fear. Then, I kinda got hungry.I kept driving around and, during one of my 'anger' moments, thought maybe I should crash my car. That'd show Emma. That'd make her really sorry. No-one can resist an ex-fiance who has been in a car accident, right? Yeah, but the plan didn't work out as well as I'd hoped. Oh, I crashed my car all right, but I just rammed it into a street sign, which I barely felt. Not nearly as 'I need to get to the hospital' as I was hoping for. I think it dinted by car too. Fuck, that could cost money. Me and my stupid ideas.

Maybe that girl from my class who has been with her boyfriend for two years but is sick of him and feels no attraction to him anymore...Yeah, she seems like just the type of girl to rebound with.

You know, I don't really feel like typing anymore. I'll leave you with the words of William Butler Yeats, with music by Benjamin Britten. I think he was on Law and Order or something.

Down by the Salley Gardens
My love and I did meet
She passed the Salley Gardens
With little snow-white feet.
She bid me take love easy
As the leaves grow on the tree
But I, being young and foolish
With her did not agree.

In a field by the river
My love and I did stand
And on my leaning shoulder
She laid her snow-white hand.
She bid me take life easy
As the grass grows on the weirs
But I was young and foolish
And now I am full of tears.

Yeah, poetic and shit.

"