What, you think I care?

INT – TOWN HALL OFFICE – DAY
A local councillor sits at his desk. A sign on his desk identifies him as ‘Councillor Graves’. There is a knock at his door.

COUNCIL
Come in.

In walks a strange looking fellow carrying a knapsack.

FELLOW
You asked to see me, sir?

COUNCIL
Oh yes! You’re the man responsible for
implementing Crime Prevention schemes in this
council, aren’t you?

FELLOW
Yes, sir. That’s me. Preventing crime is my main objective!

COUNCIL
Right. Well, we’ve been hearing certain things about your
Programs and I just thought I should hear your side of things
on the issue.

FELLOW
Of course. What specifically did you have in mind?

COUNCIL
Well, to begin with, your work with the local train stations.

FELLOW
Yes, yes, yes. Well…what happened was we were told by the council to stop the amount of giraffes at train stations.

COUNCIL
What?!

FELLOW
To stop giraffes on the platforms. Now, the job was much
easier than we initially suspected because we found there
actually were no giraffes at train stations anyway!

COUNCIL
You were mean to prevent graffiti! Not giraffes!

FELLOW
Oh…well that explains a few things, then.

COUNCIL
(sighs)
Well, what about the new CCTV initiatives?

FELLOW
Oh, that. That’s been harder than we thought.

COUNCIL
(suspiciously)
Why is that?

FELLOW
Well, I didn’t realise the Chinese Communist Party
was so hard to find.

COUNCIL
Chinese communist..? What? CCTV is ‘closed circuit
Television’! You know, security cameras?

FELLOW
(pauses, slightly embarrassed)
I see. In that case you’re probably not going to like our
new plan.

COUNCIL
(seething)
What’s that?

FELLOW
Security Cards at every entrance to a train station.

COUNCIL
(groans) Oh, no.

FELLOW
Yeah, check it out.

He produces from his pocket a small deck of playing cards with the words ‘Security Cards’ emblazoned on them.

FELLOW (cont’)
See, whenever you feel threatened, you just throw the
Cards at whoever is threatening you.
Watch… (flicks cards at Councillor)

COUNCIL
Get out!

FELLOW
(quickly)
Understood.

COUNCIL
And send in the next one!

The Fellow nods and reluctantly exits. After a beat of two, another person enters. He is riding a unicycle – badly. He is also carrying juggling pins and wearing outlandish, circus performer clothes.

COUNCIL
Oh God. And who are you?

CIRCUS
I’m the Social Worker this council hired.
What’s my first assignment?