Big Brother Housemates still bunch of dickheads

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Big Brother 2005 began this weekend, surprising nobody when the housemates were revealed to all be dickheads. Despite television commercials stating that this year’s season of Big Brother would be different to every other year, Big Brother 2005 followed in the footsteps of previous seasons, maintaining its standard of ‘mindless crap’.

‘Well, yeah, it was never really going to be that much different’ said PR executive for the show Charley Shandling. “That was just a ruse to fool the feeble minded. Hope nobody took it too seriously’. When asked why Big Brother could not improve just a little bit, Shandling replied ‘Well, nobody wants to watch interesting people sit around and talk. Our research shows that people think conversation is boring, especially if it’s intelligent.’ He went on to say that all that holds the show together is the slim chance that there will be some kind of sexual activity. Without the constant illusion of sexual tension, the programme would fail.

Big Brother 2005 had more applicants than all previous years and all current housemates are under the age of 30. This alone, commentators say, has ensured that Big Brother’s inmates are as much dickheads as their predecessors. ‘Yeah, we were very dedicated to making sure that this year’s housemates were as moronic, if not more moronic, than previous casts’ Shandling remarked. ‘In that regard, I think we should be commended: they really are knuckle draggers’.

This is not the first time that Big Brother has disappointed viewers. In its second season it was touted as being different than the previous year, which was also a promise broken. While some might consider this disingenuous, Shandling had a different point of view. ‘Well first of all, I don’t know what disingenuous means, but most importantly you have to realize that the vast majority of people who work here (Channel 10) know that you guys are morons’ the executive said. ‘And you continue to prove us right. Australia – your chicken is ready’. Big Brother is currently screening nightly on Channel Yen.

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