New Support Emerges for Intelligent Doughnut Theory

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With the Western world seemingly disenchanted with scientific explanations for the nature of the universe, a new body of enquiry has developed, heralded as the bearer of good new research in a long-running debate. The Creation Institute is a new foundation dedicated to the emerging area of study concerned with the cosmological and theological aspects of this great big wide universe of ours. The jewel in the crown of the Creation Institute is the newly espoused "Intelligent Doughnut" theory, now currently gaining momentum.

The theory's chief describer, Theodore Tahu, says that Intelligent Doughnut will change the face of the theological-political complex landscape. "We have acquired enough evidence to now be able to proclaim with some certainty, that the universe is definitely the product of a giant, glorious Doughnut in the sky" the 43 year old said, making air-quotes aroud the word 'evidence'.

Former school principal Tahu also offered examples of his grand unifying theory in order to persuade the skeptical. "Just look at the way certain things in this world are shaped and you will see, a priori, their inherent 'doughnut-ness'" Tahu said. "Bagels, car tyres and, of course, doughnuts themselves all resemble doughnuts - the geometrical archetype that forms the basis of all structure in our six thousand year old universe".

Other examples include the more contentious theory of the 'doughnutimous mind', which holds that the actual structure of the human mind is doughnut-shaped, with a hole in the centre called the 'Eye of the Doughnut', the area from which the Great Almighty Doughnut speaks to all true believers.

Although evolution by natural selection still has a lot of sway, ID and the Creation Institute itself has bolstering support and monetary contributions from such groups as the Extra Chromsone Institute; the Lobotomised Pastors Group; and the Amalgamated Monocular Engineers Union. Despite such impressive backers, Tahu and ID have come under criticism from certain sectors of the Creationist world for being blasphemous to other theories' tenets. Such as, for example, failing to recognise St. Wedding Ring's Day as a proper holiday.

Just this week Roger Descartes of the Intelligent Christmas Wreath Society attacked Tahu for his "inability to grasp the finer, more subtle points of the theology. I mean, theory". Descartes, for example, does not dispute the shape of the universe as being circular with a hole in the middle, but disagrees with Tahu's application of it to realms such as cooking.

"Descartes just doesn't understand that in order for the Almighty to truly see us, everything we consume and excrete must resemble It. Therefore, it is imperative that I make my roast chicken doughnut shaped" Tahu said, in response to the Intelligent Christmas Wreath criticism. "Just because he didn't like my Sunday roast two weeks ago doesn't mean he should engage in sledging me in public".

At the conclusion of our interview, Tahu reminded everyone to pray to the Great Doughnut at least three times a day, facing in the direction of the nearest doughnut shop.

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