War on Bemusement to Commence

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A new war is to be waged by the leaders of the Free World, John Howard told a press conference this morning. The new battleground would be a direct continuation of the hyper-successful war on terror. The new target: bemusement.

“Now that there is no more terror in the world, I see fit to bring to your attention the next big threat to Our Way of Life: bemusement” the Prime Minister said. “You know that feeling you get when you’re faced with something that you just cannot understand? You become confused because you’re an intelligent person, and your inability to comprehend makes you anxious. This is bemusement and it is ruining this great nation”

The PM’s announcement got off to an ironic start, with many journalists unable to understand what he was talking about. When questioned by the throng gathered, the Hon. Mr. Howard remarked that ‘this is exactly what I was talking about! Bemusement must be stopped’ and prompted got into his limousine.

A poll conducted this afternoon in Canberra revealed that ordinary Australians were supportive of the PM’s war on bemusement, and even offered suggestions as to what our next war should be on (see below).

However, reports state that people in Melbourne and Sydney are disputing the poll from the nation’s capital city, saying nobody in Canberra can be considered an ‘ordinary Australian’.


Poll Results:‘What should the next War be on?’

“That weird feeling I get when I look at my long lost cousin” – Jake Milton, 15.

“My homosexual urges that aren’t getting adequately sublimated by AFL” – Glenn Weaver, 32.

“The Australian Film Industry. We’re just too prolific” – Sally Robbins, 44.

“Tasmania. Fuck them” – Reginald Charles, 53.

“Those commie bastards in the Department of Immigration” – Val Jenny, 60.

“Big words! They’re so…um…big.” – Craig Sleet, 24.

“My inability to urinate when someone else is watching” – David Tucker, 29.

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