American Fuckhead Mispronounces Melbourne in Terrorist Video

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International terrorist pen-pal club al-Qaeda released a video yesterday, on the fourth anniversary of their one-off ‘party in the sky’, declaring that their next targets will be Los Angeles and a place called Mel-Born.

Terrorism experts are ‘pretty sure’ the American-accented Muslim – thought to be US citizen Adam Gadahn – was actually referring to the Australian city of Melbourne in the video, but are baffled that a supposedly technologically advanced terrorist network did not have the research capacities to find out how to pronounce the name of Australia’s coolest city.

Gadahn, who converted to Islam and became an avid supporter of Osama bin Laden after his book ‘Cinema Verite’s Implications For Terrorism in the 21st Centuy’, wears spectacles and a face-covering cloth in the new video, prompting some in the national security industry to nickname him ‘that four eyed cunt who can’t pronounce Melbourne properly’.


(Above: The guy who couldn't get laid or pronounce names of cities and took it out on the world)

Regular Melburnians had mixed feelings about the video, with some of those surveyed reporting fear and trepidation while others were just glad Australia was being included in the famous terrorist group’s thoughts.

“Yeah, I mean it’s a little scary, but it is pretty cool we’re being considered as enough of a threat to Muslim masculinity that we can be mentioned in one of those high-budget terrorist flicks” said 32 year old draftsperson Dale Rogers.

Hairdresser Prue Philbert, 24, was also optimistic, saying she wasn’t worried because “if they can’t pronounce the name, they probably can’t locate it on a map to attack it”.

ASIO is currently taking the mispronunciation pretty seriously, wondering if the publicity caused by the terrorist video will impact on international perceptions of Melbourne. "We just don't want people thinking it's pronounced Mel-Born" said ASIO spokesperson Janet White.

Technical experts are investigating the video, thought to be made of magnetic tape.
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