"I'm sorry that I didn't wear my good underwear to your party"

"

You didn't know this, but I feel bad anyway, so an apology is in order. When I attended your party this past weekend - by the way, excellent party - I was not wearing my good underwear. In fact, it was an old pair, quite unattractive to the eye. Don't get me wrong, it was still clean and functioned perfectly well, but was in no way sexy or funky or any of those things that are expected of us when attending a party. As you can imagine, I'm fairly embarrassed.

I do not expect forgiveness. I just would like to have a conscience clear of this particular unfortunate incident. Because, you know how it is. It is customary to get dressed up underneath when one dresses up on the outside for a social gathering. Or at least, it's a custom I try and practice very often. So, from the bottom of my heart I apologise profusely for this hidden social faux pas. I promise it will not happen again.

However, it wasn't entirely my fault. The laundry wasn't done in time. Maybe if I hadn't have had to pick up Jane and James it would have been a different story. But I was the designated driver and was obliged to help them out. If only I hadn't have waited until the same day to wash all my good underwear. I can't believe how out of control this got.

I am also considering writing a letter to that guy I hooked up with at your party, apologising to him too. What was his name again, Mogga? I mean, it was pretty dark but since there was definitely removal of certain items of clothing, it is more than likely that, through the darkness, he copped a glance at my ashamedly tattered underwear. Shit, that was probably the reason he left when I fell asleep. Speaking of which, if I do decide to write a letter to him, I'll need you to give me his email or address or something. He didn't tell me his number, strangely. I guess he forgot.

So, yeah, there's my apology. I hope you can understand my position and don't you worry, there will be many more excellent parties with me in my good underwear to match. That's a promise.

"