"These heart palpitations are alien implants for sure"
"
Listen, I know you'll think I'm crazy but these heart palpitations I'm getting have just got to be alien devices inserted into my torso for monitoring purposes. Sounds far fetched? To you maybe, but, like, what else could it be?
Sure, it could be withdrawl from coffee - I've only had two today - but this has been more prolonged. And, yeah, maybe it could be my body adjusting to eating healthier and then struggling through a little junk food from last night. And I suppose it's possible that my heart is just overreacting to the few mild cardio exercises I've started doing randomly the last few days but, man, I can feel it. It's my body and I know my body. And it's telling me that this, without a doubt, is a result of alien implants.
Now that I think about it, I can probably remember the exact time my body was violated - smoothly; steadily; but surely. A few nights ago, as I got up to get a glass of water in the middle of the night I could sense the faint glow of something...mysterious...in the air. It was there for only a second, but at that moment I knew I had been altered. Sex for aliens might be very much like it is here on earth - very short and devoid of feeling.
So, I think it is clear what these heart palpitations I've been having today are. That wonderful night when I was reborn as a member of the extraterrestrial study group, something was inserted into my chest that is reacting with our Earth's Sun and having strange repercussions on my body. Case closed, as far as I'm concerned.
Besides; if they aren't alien implants, why are my breasts all of a sudden this large?
"
posted by Daniel @ 5:54 PM
9 comments
9 Comments:
i'm sorry i berated your guests hedge.
and now that you have breasts you don't need me huh? *sniffle*
And why is that Allison?
I never needed you Buttah Boobs, but if you're lucky I just might let you sleep at the foot oy my bed. Maybe.
;)
you are to kind to me master!
*pats head*
Man, I'm going to have to stop writing fiction in the first person. Some people *points over there * aren't getting it. :P
But, yes, having a pair of my own makes getting milk a whole lot more ...blubbery.
blubbery?
*pukes up her ice cream sammy*
Well, these are alien ones. They can't all be firm and wonderful like yours.
i knew you loved my boobs!
haha
mmmm, bluuaaaabbeeerrrry, I likes me a big ol' fat women, more cushionz fo da' pushinnz !! no but, seriously up too about the age of 13 I was pretty sure that anytime my ears ringed it was because I could hear dog whistles with my super-sonic, alien ,ear implants, but over the years I've come to realize that i'm just a fuckin' moron. Not to say that you don't have a legit concern here Dan, 9 out of 10 pediatrists recomend heart palpitations from alien implants...
of course they also recomended that my wife give them oral while they play with my feet, and I better get me a fuckin' dicount for that shit too.
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