Insensitive Suicide Scene

INT - AUDITORIUM - NIGHT
A bare stage. A couple enters.

GIRLFRIEND
I'm sorry. You're going to hate me. I did it again.

BOYFRIEND
You..again? Right. That's it, we're breaking up.

GIRLFRIEND
But...I slit my wrists for YOU!

BOYFRIEND
You think that's..?! What?! Who are you, Norma Desmond?!

GIRLFRIEND
Who?

BOYFRIEND
EXACTLY! You're such a fucking flake you don't even realise
that you are mimicking a cliched character!

GIRLFRIEND
Well...what will I do without you?

BOYFRIEND
You'll survive. If you wanted to be dead, you'd be dead.
Read some old love letters and gush all over them.

GIRLFRIEND
This is such an insensitive thing to do.
You have no idea how I feel!

BOYFRIEND
WRONG! I know exactly how you feel at the exact moment
you feel it, because you always fucking tell me.
If you want to die, cut DOWN the wrist.
Fucking amateurs.
Do you have any idea how it feels to be in a position where
you are constantly blackmailed emotionally by the threat
that the person you love cannot bear to live even with
you giving all that you can?

GIRLFRIEND
(quietly)
You know it's a mental illness.

BOYFRIEND
I know that. Do you?

A silence endures.

GIRLFRIEND
So...that's it?

BOYFRIEND
That's it.

GIRLFRIEND
No punchline?

BOYFRIEND
Do you really think you deserve that?

GIRLFRIEND
I guess not.

They both bow and leave the stage.

INT - FOYER of THEATRE - NIGHT

PATRON 1
That was rather morbid, wasn't it?

PATRON 2
Rather.

PATRON 1
What do you suppose it all meant?

PATRON 2
Probably just seeking attention.

PATRON 1
Hmm. I guess that's healthier than some other options

PATRON 2
Indeed.

PATRON 1
Where do you think its sympathies lie? With the ill girlfriend
or the frustrated boyfriend?

PATRON 2
Hard to say. Maybe it's more complex than that.

PATRON 1
Yeah...but it's only a play.

PATRON 2
Yeah. (pauses) I guess.