Cruise Upset: Superstitious Nonsense Not Widely Understood

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Superstar actor Tom Cruise today spoke out against the 'pervasive ignorance' of the general population about his chosen religion, Scientology. The comments came in response to a journalist's query about a possible association between Scientology and Cruise's new film War of the Worlds, based on the H.G. Wells novel, which irritated Nicole Kidman's ex-husband.

"I just don't understand why I am constantly asked these questions about my irrational belief system" the Hollywood A-lister said. "They really should read some of L. Ron Hubbard's books, then they'd find out exactly what kind of bullshit I believe".

Cruise added that, as a Thetan Level OT III, he should not even have to tolerate such 'stupid speculations from imebecilic retards'. His ranking in the upper echelons of the tax-exempt organization should mean he is treated with a greater respect than other actors who may not even be 'clear', he said.

Cruise losing his trademark cool with the media comes on the back of a media frenzy surrounding his rollercoaster courtship of young actress Katie Holmes. When asked whether his fiance is a scientologist he nonchalantly replied, 'Hey, she believed Dawson was straight: she'll believe what I tell her to', referring to Holme's television drama role, apparently being unable to separate fact from fiction.

Since this afternoon's outburst Cruise has reportedly been hard at work on a video presentation to be shown at media junkets called 'Dianetics for Dickheads: what Journalists need to know about Scientology (to not be berated by me)'. The 45 minute programme will star Cruise and fellow scientologist John Travolta acting out the central tenets of the religion, including the Grease-star dressed as Xenu, the evil lord that imprisoned alien spirits in volcanos 75 million years ago before invading human bodies. 'It will be as realistic and grounded in fact as any of our films', Cruise said.

A quote attributed to Travolta stated that he too is sick and tired of 'misconceptions about the vile garbage we believe in'. Added the Pulp Fiction-star: 'It really is time somebody set the record straight about just the kind of lunacy our feeble minds have submitted to. After all, ignorance is a dangerous thing".


Cruise, pleading with the public to try and understand his stupidity.

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