Guy Tallies his Conservative Opinions

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Local man Bryn Turrel tried desperately hard today to think of all the opinions he has that could be considered 'conservative' in a bid to distance himself from the 'leftie pinko dickheads' that he often finds himself around. The drastic move came about after a nail bitingly irritating conversation he had with local leftie Lionel Mandrake on a train into Melbourne central station.

"This idiot was telling me that the whole idea of a train was patriarchal because the shape of the carriage is phallic and that the very idea of getting to one's destination on time is representative of Western society's over-reliance on science" the 34 year old systems analyst said. "I actually consider myself to be a fairly liberal guy but after that encounter, I've been trying to come up with conservative opinions I wouldn't mind having. I mean, the guy was wearing a pink cardigan!"

So far Turrel has identified two conservative opinions he feels he has and is reportedly working hard at a third. "Being supportive of military interventions into despotic nations wasn't too hard to come up with but I did have a bit of trouble deciding if I really thought that the homeless were responsible for their position" Turrel pondered. "I decided I could sort out those nitty gritty details later. What's important now is that I have some non-liberal views so that nobody thinks I'm a left wing pussy like that guy I met on the train".

This is only the latest in a series of leftward inclined people reassessing their politics based on a desire to dissociate themselves from the unthinking hippy set. Two weeks ago, it was reported that former Greens party member and women's rights activist Kerry Powell had bought a copy of Quadrant. Upon leaving the newsagent where she bought the right-wing journal, Powell was heard muttering to herself "They can't accuse me of being one of them now!".

A support group is currently being set up by Powell and her associates to aid liberal moderates in finding more ways to distance themselves from left wing pussies.

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