Pith and Circumstance: from the gossip pages of the esteemed MX

What did the wondrous MX tell me today? Celebrity inanities? Sweet 12 April, 2005!

Ben Stiller pleases everyone by announcing he is taking time off from making movies so he can spend time with his family. Great news for film goers but bullshit, man. Every one of his movies has his wife and his father in it(and his lover Owen Wilson). I think he’s taking a year off to reassess his life and think about the rubbish he is inflicting on the world. That, or to roll around in a money pool shouting ‘I didn’t sell out! I never HAD credibility! Now watch me snort coke off this film executive's tightened sphincter!'

Matthew McConaughey is a wrestling champion in an unnamed African village. Nobody knew about this for years; it has only come out recently (unlike Paul McDermott). The village’s name has been kept secret: the people of that village were really embarrassed when they found out who this knob jockey was.

Mick Jagger’s daughter is considering modeling for Playboy. Mick is shocked and appalled. One imagines this is just deserts considering Mick’s superego hasn’t been exercised, with regard to women and indiscretions since, well …ever. And now he thinks that his daughter modeling for Playboy (not pornography by any means) is a bad thing? Excuse us if we chuckle to ourselves, Mr. 'Never beat the Beatles in the charts ever'.

That douchebag Big Boi from Out ‘highly overrated hip hop’ Kast has 17 cars but only space enough for 6. So he’s building another house. That makes sense, I guess. Way to show street cred, my man. Like I said..douchebag.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals is still campaigning against Jennifer ‘amazingly untalented and highly obnoxious non-artist’ Lopez‘s use of fur in her clothing range. Apparently she had an anti-J.Lo PETA ad removed from a music magazine. Wait…J.Lo is mentioned in music magazines? Well, I just lost a bet.

I’d like to see a coat made out of J.Lo. Not because she’s attractive – she’s actually horrible (especially if you look at photos of her pre-"I’m their saviour/that’s what they call me/so Lauren Bacall me" phase when she was just an ugly dancer in Janet Jackson clips) – but because I’m of a controversial view that some people actually aren’t as worthy of life as many animals. Ms Lopez is what stops me from taking seriously the idea that all humans are more important than all non-humans.

And that's what the MX could tell me about today.

Oh..and, like, some people died.