News? What News?

Faltering Star Hopeful About Career as Flies Pick at Face

Kayne Taylor, the singer who won 2004 television talent quest Popstars Live, is hopeful about his career one year on, even though most people have no idea who he is. In a recent interview with this paper, former Australia Post worker Taylor said he was ‘pretty optimistic’ about his musical career, seemingly undeterred by the multitude of flies picking at his face. ‘Sure my first single, Heartbreaker, barely made the charts and I was dropped like a sack of shit from my record label; but I’m confident that my new record “Remember Me?” will be a big smash’, the 30 year old said as reporters looked warily to the skies, where vultures circled the singer overhead.

In between frantic cries of ‘who are you again?’ from the congregation of journalists, Taylor spoke out against ‘cynics’ who would suggest that television based talent quests are no more than gussied up karaoke shows. ‘Yeah, that really bothers me,’ Taylor vented. ‘I mean, I’ve been in heaps of karaoke competitions and I’ve never won any of them, so that just goes to show the quality of Popstars Live’.
Taylor also pleaded with the Australian music-buying public that ‘my lack of talent should in no way influence your choice in purchasing my music’. He also apologised for the scent of urine seemingly emanating from his person.

As the interview ended, Taylor collapsed due to blood loss. Fortunately, Paramedics were able to relieve him before the scavenging birds could peck at his eyes.