God Gears Up For New Boxing Day Disaster

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Heaven was in a frenzy this Christmas morning as Almighty God, maker of all that is seen and unseen, racked his brain over what He could do that would be able to top last year's boxing day tsunami.

Natural disasters are the Lord's bread and butter, but with things increasingly incendiary between human beings on Earth, God has been having a tough time coming up with ideas for a worldwide calamity to rival the unmitigated tragedy of human behaviour in 2005.

Despite talk of God being confounded, the Man Upstairs and his entourage are being tight-lipped on the matter. However, suggestions have been leaked as to what the Big Cheese may have in store. Sources say that among the potential catastrophes on God's so called 'disaster checklist' are:

- Earthquake
- Tornado
- Widespread Bird Flu
- Plague of Locusts

However, experts on Natural-Disaster-Science-ism are skepical that any of the above will occur this Boxing Day, considering that they have already occurred in regional disasters this year: for example, Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans, the earthquake in Pakistan, the continuing avian influenza scare and Victoria's biblical locust problem.

"For God to roll out one of the old standard disasters this December 26 would be a little hack, a little predictable, considering the breadth of catastrophes on display in 2005" said Dr. Harold Dangermouse of the Intelligent Mythology Theological Commission. "No, I think we should expect something extra special this Boxing Day; something rapturous"

So as the world eagerly awaits what terrible tragedy and charity telethon will kick off the year 2006, people everywhere are coming up with suggestions that God might consider to make his annual Boxing Day Disaster even more of a world-stopper than last year's.

Katrina Roundbottom-Chan, 26, of Inverleigh suggested God eat a giant hot dog with mustard and tomato sauce over the Earth, spilling excess condiments all over our earthly continents.

Lindsy al-Ghul, 35, of Watsonia said only two and a half words: "Fresh-water shortage".

Josh Turner, 29, of Ballarat, went for an old standby, suggesting God cast down all the first borns this Boxing Day. "That way, the world might finally be rid of Bush" said Turner, in a cheap joke. "And God would also get to have a disaster that is truly historic".

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