Mediocre Cops Die Suddenly

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Victoria Police were indifferent today as they learned that two of their least capable members had died suddenly while on a bus trip in the Middle East. Lt. Joanne Glynn and Sgt. Jack Crawford, both described by VicPol staff documents as "medicore employees, pending serious review ", were on a tour bus of an undisclosed location when a fork in the road caused the vehicle to swerve suddenly and crash, killing an undisclosed number of people. The fork was unharmed.

Senior members of the Victoria Police organization have expressed distanced sympathy with the victims' families, but added that their deaths will "in no way hinder the Police as an organization or cause us much professional grief".

This echoed the approach of Police Commissioner Dick Nixon, who said he had that while he had a moral duty to feel pity for the dead and their families, it should be made clear that "Not all cops are great and not all dead people die heroes".

However, interviews with lower-level employees of the force yielded fond memories of Glynn, with one Constable remarking that "you could always count on Joanne for a laugh, from the time she made an arrest while naked to the time she almost filled out her paperwork correctly".

Upon being asked to recall Crawford, the constable replied "Who?"

The two deceased Police members will not be given a state funeral.

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