Dumping Emma: A story of male cowardice. Part Three.

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Welcome back to Dumping Emma. This third installment will go over what people other than me have to say about the situation. The situation being, for those of you just joining our broadcast, that I’m planning on breaking up with Emma, my soon-to-be ex-girlfriend.

Or should that be soon to be ex-fiancé?

You see, loyal readers, before I delve into some choice quotes from people who are watching this whole unholy scenario unravel in front of eyes that aren’t attached to my head, I have a little story. Now, don’t judge me before you read it, because I can’t be entirely to blame here. Sometimes a man is backed into a corner and all he can do is lash out with certain words, like “Will you marry me?”

What I’m trying to say is, somehow I’ve gone one step forward, two steps back with this whole dumping Emma thing. Now she thinks that, far from breaking up, we’re actually going to get married. I admit I’m partially to blame in that area, what with asking for her hand in holy matrimony, but I insist it wasn’t just my fault. I mean, just imagine those doe-eyes batting their lids at you, those full lips pursed and those ankles just waiting to be stripped of their bobby socks. Do you have any idea what that can do to a man? I work so hard, don’t you understand, making maple syrup for the pancakes of our land?

So, with that in mind, yeah, I bit hard, took the plunge and swallowed more salt-water than I could chew. As a result my girlfriend is now my fiancé and I’m a little behind schedule in the whole breaking-up stakes. Still, it’s good that she’s momentarily happy before I tear her world apart. I’m nice like that.

Anyway, I did promise I’d let you into my inner circle and share some of the thoughts that have left mouths and flown my way regarding this situation. Can I just say, at the outset, that I’m a little disappointed at how my close mates are taking this? After all, I did initially start this project to prove something to them. Not entirely sure what that is anymore.

My friend Bobbo was astounded that Emma hasn’t found out about this blog and that I’m committing emotional and relationship suicide by exposing every detail of my proposed break-up. To that I say, der. Of course I’m committing relationship suicide. That’s the point. But I have to agree with Bobbo in that I too am surprised that Emma hasn’t found this blog. After all, she does have a degree in computer science, or something. Surely she could find it.

Actually, I’m a little disappointed that she hasn’t found it. After all, it would save me a heck of a lot of work if she just knew what was coming and confronted me early. Boy, would that save me some confronting of my own.

Another friend, who we’ll call Mudshark, following on in a similar vein from Bobbo, commented that not only have I been keeping a blog about my dumping plan, but I’ve also been mentioning it to every person I happen to meet, friend and stranger alike. He, like Bobbo, cannot believe it has not somehow gotten back to Emma through the grapevine. To that I can only say, meh. Maybe she doesn’t get out much. Or she just doesn’t like grapes.

Finally, two lovely anonymous commenters on this blog, both by the name of Anonymous (which is quite a coincidence when you think about it) exchanged some words with me regarding my supposed mistreatment of Emma.

To wit:
“What a joke! If you ever had a relationship in the first place, it shouldn't be hard to get her to your house, or you go to hers and tell her the reasons why.

What a drama queen you are.”

True. It wouldn’t be hard to get her to my house, but since my house is absolutely chock-a-block full of pictures of myself, when she ran out of my place screaming, she’d be running through hallway after hallway of framed portraits of yours truly, in a constant reminder of all she’s lost. Call me sentimental or a drama queen, but I just couldn’t do that to her.

Also:
“as if she's not good enough for you. Take what you can get buddy.”

Thank you for your consideration, but you really give her too much credit. I’m quite right in saying she’s not good enough for me. I do and will take what I can get, and it’s quite a higher standard than my new fiancé Emma.

And with that, he’s gone. Until next time, folks.

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